This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, learn what to look for, what to say, and how to safely stand beside someone who may need you.
Maybe it’s your sister.
Your coworker.
Your neighbor.
Your best friend.
Something has changed.
She doesn’t come around as often anymore. When she does, she seems distracted or nervous. Her partner texts constantly, and she feels like she has to respond immediately. She’s stopped doing things she used to enjoy. She makes excuses for behavior that makes you uncomfortable.
Or perhaps there are no obvious signs at all.
You just have a feeling that something isn’t right.
What do you do?
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and the 2026 theme from the Domestic Violence Awareness Project is With Survivors, Always. This year’s campaign calls on us to move beyond awareness and toward action, standing with survivors through safety, support, and solidarity.
Taking action doesn’t always mean making a dramatic intervention.
Sometimes it starts with noticing.
Sometimes it means asking a question.
And sometimes it means being the person who believes the answer.
Domestic Violence Doesn’t Always Look Like Violence
When many people hear “domestic violence,” they picture physical injuries.
But abuse can also be emotional, sexual, financial, or technology-facilitated. At its core, relationship abuse often involves one person using behaviors to gain or maintain power and control over another.
That distinction matters because some of the warning signs can initially be mistaken for something else.
Jealousy can be disguised as love.
Constant texting can be framed as concern.
Controlling money can be presented as “taking care of the finances.”
Isolation may happen so gradually that friends and family don’t immediately notice.
And an abusive partner may behave very differently in public than in private.
Knowing what to look for can help us recognize when someone we care about may need support.
Know the Signs
Every relationship is different, and the presence of one behavior doesn’t necessarily tell you everything happening inside it. But the National Domestic Violence Hotline says even one or two abusive behaviors can be a red flag.
You may notice that someone’s partner:
- Is extremely jealous or possessive
- Frequently insults, humiliates, or belittles them
- Discourages or prevents them from seeing friends and family
- Controls where they go, what they do, or whom they see
- Controls money or prevents them from working
- Constantly calls or texts to check where they are
- Looks through their phone, messages, or online accounts
- Tracks their location or uses technology to monitor them
- Prevents them from making their own decisions
- Threatens them, their children, or their pets
- Destroys belongings or uses intimidation
- Pressures or forces sexual activity
Abuse increasingly extends into the digital world as well. Cell phones, GPS, social media, smart-home devices, account passwords, and other technology can be used to monitor, harass, stalk, intimidate, or control a partner.
Sometimes what you notice isn’t the abusive behavior itself.
It’s the change in the person you know.
They may become increasingly isolated. They may seem anxious about upsetting their partner. They may cancel plans frequently, have less access to money, or appear to need permission for ordinary decisions.
You don’t need proof before you can care.
If You’re Concerned, Start With a Conversation
This is where many of us get stuck.
What if I’m wrong?
What if they get angry?
What if I don’t know what to say?
You don’t need a perfect speech.
Find a private, safe opportunity and begin with what you’ve noticed rather than an accusation.
You might say:
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. I’m worried about you. Is everything okay?”
Or:
“I’ve noticed your partner seems to be checking on you a lot. How are you feeling about things?”
Then listen.
Resist the urge to interrogate, criticize their partner, or immediately tell them what they need to do.
If they tell you they’re being abused, one of the most powerful things you can communicate is simple:
I believe you.
Don’t Ask, “Why Don’t You Just Leave?”
From the outside, leaving may seem like the obvious solution.
For the person experiencing abuse, it can be far more complicated.
There may be children involved.
Pets.
Housing.
Money.
Immigration concerns.
Fear of retaliation.
Love.
Isolation.
Or simply nowhere safe to go.
Most importantly, leaving an abusive relationship can be a particularly dangerous period for a survivor. The National Domestic Violence Hotline recommends supporting survivors in making their own decisions rather than trying to “rescue” them.
A better question is:
“How can I help?”
That small change puts control back where it belongs, with the survivor.
Turn Concern Into Practical Help
Standing with a survivor doesn’t mean you have to solve everything.
It means asking what would actually help.
That might include offering a safe place to make a phone call, giving them a ride, accompanying them to an appointment, helping with groceries or childcare, storing copies of important documents or an emergency bag, or helping them connect with an advocate.
You can also help them think about a safety plan.
A safety plan is personal. What makes one survivor safer could increase danger for another, which is why trained advocates can be so valuable. The survivor also knows their partner and circumstances better than anyone else.
Most importantly, don’t make major decisions on their behalf unless there is an immediate emergency.
Support shouldn’t replace one person’s control with another’s.
It should help restore choice.
Be Careful With Technology
This is especially important.
If you suspect someone is being abused, don’t assume their phone or computer is private.
An abusive partner may monitor calls, texts, email, browsing activity, location data, social media, or connected devices without the survivor realizing it. The National Domestic Violence Hotline warns that phone and computer activity can be monitored and that browsing history cannot always be completely erased.
That means even a well-intentioned message like:
“I found a domestic violence shelter for you”
could create additional danger if the wrong person sees it.
Ask the survivor how and when it is safe to communicate.
If necessary, use a safer device or computer to research resources or make calls.
Keep Showing Up
One conversation may not change everything.
Your friend may tell you they’re fine.
They may acknowledge the abuse but decide they aren’t ready to leave.
They may leave and then return.
That can be difficult to understand from the outside.
But withdrawing support because someone doesn’t make the decision you hoped for can deepen the isolation that abusive partners often work to create.
Keep the door open.
Keep listening.
Keep reminding them that help is available.
Being With Survivors, Always means standing beside survivors while respecting their autonomy, including when their path doesn’t look the way we expected it to.
A Phone Can Mean More Than a Phone
At 911 Cell Phone Bank, we see another side of this issue through the law enforcement agencies and victim service organizations we serve.
We know a phone can’t solve domestic violence.
But for someone who has been isolated, monitored, or separated from resources, access to safe communication can matter tremendously.
One of our agency partners recently shared what happened after receiving phones for the survivors they serve:
“In the past 2 weeks I have given out 5 phones to domestic violence victims. This has changed everything for us. I have had multiple clients just weep with gratitude in my office as they are being handed this lifeline. This partnership is so valuable to us and to our clients.”
— Misty Bevill, Sunrise Center, TX
And sometimes we hear from the person who received one.
Dawn received a device while experiencing domestic violence despite having a restraining order:
“I was given a 911 Cell Phone Bank phone, which was such a blessing and comfort! I didn’t feel all alone anymore, but protected and undergirded!! I had no family here, but a good friend that helped me navigate the darkness and insisted I go to the police. Thank you, 911 Cell Phone Bank, for all you do to help those in our community in desperate times!! I am grateful, still!”
— Dawn
Those words are why donated devices matter.
Cell phones and other electronics that might otherwise sit forgotten in a drawer, lost-and-found room, or property-and-evidence department can be given another purpose. Through 911 Cell Phone Bank, donated devices are securely processed, and usable devices help law enforcement and victim service agencies provide communication resources to people experiencing domestic violence and human trafficking.
Sometimes something as ordinary as an unused phone can help someone feel less alone.
With Survivors Means More Than Wearing Purple
Awareness matters.
Learning the signs matters.
Sharing resources matters.
But this year’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month theme asks us to take the next step.
Action.
Maybe your action is learning to recognize abuse that doesn’t leave a bruise.
Maybe it’s checking on someone you’ve been worried about.
Maybe it’s listening without judgment.
Maybe it’s helping someone create a safety plan.
Maybe it’s supporting your local domestic violence organization.
Maybe it’s donating unused electronics so they can be transformed into resources for survivors.
There isn’t one way to stand with survivors.
But there is something each of us can do.
This October, and long after Domestic Violence Awareness Month ends, may we choose to notice.
To listen.
To believe.
To support.
And to stand With Survivors, Always.
If You or Someone You Know Needs Help
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), text START to 88788, or chat online at TheHotline.org. If you’re in immediate danger or facing a life-threatening emergency, call 911.
Technology safety matters: If you believe your internet or device use may be monitored, consider accessing resources from a safer device.
To learn more about the 2026 With Survivors, Always campaign and find additional Domestic Violence Awareness Month resources, visit the Domestic Violence Awareness Project. DVAM 2026: With Survivors, Always
To learn how donated electronics can support the work of 911 Cell Phone Bank, or to donate devices and generate a free shipping label, visit 911CellPhoneBank.org.